You Do You, I'll Do Me: A Response Rant

So many of you have probably seen the article floating around the internet entitled "23 Things to Do Instead of Getting Engaged Before You're 23. (http://wanderonwards.com/2013/12/30/23-things-to-do-instead-of-getting-engaged-before-youre-23/)

Just in reading the title, I was a little put off. While I'm all for owning your single-ness and not just waiting around for "the one", I don't think there's anything wrong with getting married young- if you're doing it for the right reasons. And there are right reasons. So I had a feeling that this article was going to be a bit negative and pessimistic- and I sure was right.

It was probably one of the more rudely written, shaming and all around negative articles I've read in a long time.

And let me point out here that I think the author, Vanessa of Wander Onwards (www.wanderonwards.com), has a valid point. Getting married young just for the heck of it is never a good idea. Getting married young because your friends are doing it, or because you met him yesterday and you think you're in love, or because it's Tuesday and what else is there to do is not a good idea. If that were her only point, I would have no problem with the article at all.

However, and I could be misinterpreting what her message is here, she is essentially saying that no one under the age of 23 is ready for marriage.

And that's a load of crap.

Sure. A lot of young people aren't ready for marriage. But a lot of people are. The beauty of people is that we're all different. We all mature at different rates. We all figure out who we are at different times. We all find love at different points in our lives and we all settle down at our own pace. The author says:  "...at the age of 22, I have no idea who I am, what I’m doing, and who I’ll be doing it with for the next year… let alone for the rest of my life.  And that’s awesome." If that's "awesome" for you, that's great! I'm happy for you. But someone else at 22 may know who they are, they might know what they're doing, and if they've decided who they'll be doing it with, that's "awesome" for them! 

And while I take issue with the "my experience is definitely the same as everyone else's" situation going on here, that's not my real problem with the article. My real problem is the following paragraph:

"I have begun to notice a common thread amongst all these young unions: inexperience.  Inexperience with dating, traveling, risks, higher education, career direction, SEX, solitude, religious exploration, etc… and it’s insane that I have already experienced more of the world in the last 22 years than my married peers will ever experience in their life."

Who are you to decide that? Who are you to say that because you're a self-proclaimed "wanderer" that you have experienced more than your married peers will in their entire lives? Marriage does not mean you stop doing things. Marriage does not always mean that you have to sit in your house while your husband works a 9-5 job, take care of the kids, and make sure dinner is on the table when the bread-winner gets home. And while I definitely agree that one needs to know themselves before committing to another for eternity, being inexperienced isn't necessarily a bad thing. Are you unable to travel with a spouse? Can you not receive a degree if you're married? Is it really horrible that a person be inexperienced with sex when they marry the (hopefully) only person they'll have a sexual relationship with for the rest of their life? Inexperience does not equal immaturity. Inexperience does not mean an inability to commit fully. Marriage does not take away your ability to experience.  

Now, let's discuss your actual list:
(anything I've added is bolded)

1. Get a passport.

2. Find your “thing.”

3. Make out with a stranger.

If that's not your style, don't do it. If that's your style, go for it I guess. Do you. 

4. Adopt a pet.

5. Start a band.

6. Make a cake. Make a second cake. Have your cake and eat it too.

Do my baking abilities disappear after marriage?

7. Get a tattoo. It’s more permanent than a marriage.

So many things to say here... Just no. 

8. Explore a new religion.

9. Start a small business. 

10.Cut your hair.

11. Date two people at once and see how long it takes to blow up in your face.

This is just not a good idea. When I say "do you", I mean "do you as long as what you're doing doesn't hurt anyone else"

12. Build something with your hands.

13. Accomplish a Pinterest project.

14. Join the Peace Corps.

15. Disappoint your parents.

Not sure why you'd want to do this on purpose

16. Watch GIRLS, over and over again.

17. Eat a jar of Nutella in one sitting.

18. Make strangers feel uncomfortable in public places.

19. Sign up for CrossFit.

20. Hangout naked in front of a window.

21. Write your feelings down in a blog.

(check)

22. Be selfish.

I think humans are already pretty selfish by nature, but last I heard this is a pretty undesirable character quality. 

23. Come with me to the Philippines for Chinese New Year.

Okay, we get it. You've done some cool things in your life. I mean, eating an entire jar of Nutella in one sitting is a feat. And I bow to you if you're actually done that. You want people to experience these cool things, too. But maybe I want to get married, not hang out naked in front of a window. Maybe I've found the person I want to be with for the rest of my life so I don't feel any need to date two people at once and see how long it takes for it to blow up in my face. Maybe I actually believe that my marriage is more permanent than a tattoo. So thank you for the suggestions, and that's totally great for you if that's what you choose to do. You do you. I'll do me, though. And maybe that means I'll get in engaged before I'm 23, maybe that won't happen until farther down the line. But, I'll do it whenever I feel ready, thank you very much.  

Viva La Resolutions!*

*I've had Les Mis stuck in my head all day.
As we all know, 2013 is coming to an end. I decided to actually write down my resolutions this year. Here they are:

1. Just stop! Stop doing things that make you unhappy. Make good decisions and just stop. Seriously. 

2. Be Healthy. Sleep more. Eat better. Drink water. Exercise. Smile!

3. Prioritize. Get the important stuff done first. You'll be way less stressed & far happier.

4. Judge less. Just let people be. 

5. Laugh (at yourself). Life is funny. Get over yourself. 

6. Be kind. Not everyone is out to get you. Be kind to those who aren't to you. Be kind to the people who make you want to tear your brains out. Be kind to everyone you meet. You might see more kindness coming your way.*

That's it. 

*I realize now that this sounds like a fortune cookie. 

**What's the last one say, you ask? 

"get famous or die trying. (Just kidding. sorta)"

The Ill-est Christmas Ever

Hey y'all. Merry Hollidaze or something. Happy late-Christmas, happy almost-New Year. All that jazz.

So, in true Ringer from, we had a very sick* Christmas. For approximately the past 6(ish) years, one of us has been sick, and I mean sick on Christmas. It's usually Carly, and almost always me as well. This year, Hayden brought a cough with him from Utah. He was still feeling it on Christmas, I got it on Christmas Eve, and Dad got something awful on Christmas day. Carly steered clear of it, and it's just hitting poor mom.

*It was also sick in the slang way... y'know... like "Yo, bro. This Christmas has been totally sick." I'm really good at slang. Obvi. Actually I really enjoy saying things were "Ill" (Thus the post title) Like "Dawg this is the ILLEST"

Anyway, I'm home for break! I finished all of my finals* on Tuesday, then worked approximately 32 hours the rest of the week. Crazy busy, lots of extra money. We flew home on Saturday afternoon. Probably my least favorite travelling experience of my life. Looking back, it really wouldn't have been too terrible had we not had a fairly late afternoon flight anyway. We ended up being delayed a couple hours and didn't get into Chicago until after midnight, getting us home to normal around 3:00 am. Not super fun. But being home is great! I've been doing a whole lot of veggin' out. Probably something to do with the fact that I feel like total crap, but I'm thankful that I'm getting it now when I have very few responsibilities instead of during the semester.

*Don't ask me how finals went. Don't ask me how this semester went. Let's really just not talk about it. 

Christmas was lovely! We've dubbed it "Jenna's Domestic Christmas", because I got a sewing machine. And some measuring cups. Ready to run my own household, y'all.* Really, though. My parents rock. The sewing machine is beautiful and I totally want to actually learn to sew and stuff. I think that's probably an important skill to have as a crafty woman. and all that biznaz.

*By run my own household I actually mean I'm all ready to get wifed up. Seriously. Someone marry me.*
*I'm just kidding. Mostly. All I have to say is June 22. 

Speaking of getting married and stuff, I'm getting to a point in my life where it suddenly feels like everyone is getting engaged or married. Thankfully very few of my friends are having babies, otherwise I'd probably be in a full-fledged panic at thing point. But really. At least 5 people I know either got engaged or married since the semester ended. EIGHT DAYS AGO. I'M ONLY 19. There is a serious problem with the fact that I already feel like a spinster.*

*okay so I don't really feel like a spinster. I'm totally comfortable with my single-ness. It's fun. But I mean I'd like to cuddle and stuff. 

Okay that's it, kids. Hope you're having a wonderful holiday season... and stay tuned for another post with pictures and maybe some more thoughts and stuff and all that biznaz.

Smooches
Jenna

A MILLION LOVE DAYS

So one time my computer broke and I didn't have it for almost an entire month, and consequently missed 4 whole Love Days! Sad. But never fear, I wrote them down elsewhere.

Love day #2 - November 13, 2013

My mom sent me a little message last week in response to my first Love Day post. Here it is:

• "'God loves you because of who God is, not because of what you did or didn't do'. So today I am thankful for the unconditional love of God and my Savior no matter what my weaknesses may be... some days they feel endless . He loves me because he is love and love is the greatest power of all! Just as God loves us because of who He is (and who we are to him), so should we love others because of who THEY are (children of God)."

That about sums up everything there is to say about Godly love. He loves us, and because of His love, we must love others. The first great commandment is to love God and Christ, and the second is to love others.

Love day #3- November 20, 2013

I've been thinking a lot about John 3:16. "For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life."

God loves us. That's why we're here.He wants us to be able to return to Him, but knows that we could not do it by ourselves. That's why He allowed for the only one who didn't deserve it to die for us.

Love day #4- November 27, 2013

This week, I've been thinking about the love Christ has for each and every one of us. In the same way that God loves us enough to let his only perfect son suffer for us, Christ loves us enough to suffer for us, even though he didn't deserve it. Which is why Christlike Love and Perfect Love are synonymous.

Love day #5- December 4, 2013

Loving others is an essential part of living the Gospel. We are further the work of the Lord by loving others, which can only be done by loving them. Charity is Christlike love, and we are commanded to be charitable. Love isn't a feeling, it's a decision. You can decide to love people. (Not necessarily in a romantic way... I can't maaaaake you love me, if you don't. Good ole Bonnie Rait) I've noticed as I've tried to love people more that if I decide to see them through Christ's eyes, it's much easier to love them.

Reunited and it Feels so Good!

Remember that one time when its been a month since I last posted? Me too.*

*that's because it just happened. Fairly fresh in the memory. 

Well, my computer broke. It was in the shop for almost a month, and I finally got it back today!*

*Thus the post title. It's really sad how much I missed this thing. My life is too dependent on Technology. 


Anyway, here's what's been going on!

Last month, My roommate*, Berlynn, turned 19! We took her out to dinner at a Provo favorite, and then had a pretty fun surprise party for her in the clubhouse at our apartment complex.

*This girl is not only my roommate, but has quickly become one of my very best friends. She is an absolutely incredible girl. 

 A few days later, we went on a Caribbean cruise with my mom's family for Thanksgiving. This is the 3rd time we've done a cruise together, and it was a blast. The weather was far from perfect*, but we made the best of it, and even though I didn't get very tan at all, It was wonderful to take a break from life and hang out with my family.

*And by less than perfect, I mean it was pretty nasty half the time. 

 On the back deck of the boat, just as we left Ft. Lauderdale

 Ready for Jamaica! 

 Best photobomb ever. Grandad somehow made it from his balcony into our picture

 Cousins! All of us together for the first time in almost 3 years. 

 Had some fun playing with my camera

My cute parents

 Sisters!

The whole family! 

Since then, it's just been school, school, school. Only one more week of classes, and then we have finals. I'm overjoyed.*
In all honesty, this has been a really rough semester for me. I realized that I was not happy with my major (business management), and have been struggling a lot with figuring out what exactly I want to do. I'm only 19 years old, and the idea that I have to decide what I want to do with my life right now is really nerve-wracking for me. After a lot of praying, pondering, and maybe a little a lot of crying, I think I finally know what I want to do.
*That was pure sarcasm, my friends. 

(drum roll, please)

I'm going to change my major tomorrow... to Elementary Education, with a minor in Art Ed.

It's funny, because after the initial freak-out over the realization that I hate business, I've gone through a couple different majors that were "definitely the one". I was pretty excited about all of them, but, I really feel peace about Education.

I've recently realized that I am not very good at accepting that I don't always get to know God's plans for me ahead of time. I'm a planner. I don't really love being spontaneous. I like to know exactly what I'm going to do and exactly when I'm going to do it. I'm starting to figure out that this is not how life works... not even a little bit. I don't like it. But, I do trust God, and I know that if I follow Him and do my best to align my will with His, He will guide me to where I need to be.

You are all wonderful people! Happy late Thanksgiving!

Love Day 1

Okay. It's Love Day, people.
If you remember my post from a week ago, I'm doing a project on Love for my Doctrine and Covenants class. For part of my project, I'm going to be sharing my experiences with loving others on the blog every Wednesday.*

I've learned a lot about love this week. I think that when we have a true desire to learn, God either places us in more situations where we can do so, or he opens our eyes to what we could have been learning all along. I've been praying for a better capacity to love others as He loves them, and in doing so, have noticed a tremendous change in my life.

The most important thing I've learned this week is that you don't have to agree with someone to love them.
A difference of opinion is never a reason to hate someone.** For some reason, I've been placed around a large number of people that I just cannot agree with on multiple topics lately. When you have a personality as big as mine, and opinions that are even bigger, it's really difficult to allow yourself to lose an argument. It's nearly impossible for me to back down when I really feel as though I'm right. It is really easy to decide that the other must be just a bad person and not worth my time.

This thinking could not be more flawed. We are all children of God. We are all equally important to Him, and because we are commanded to love others as He loves them, no one ever deserves to be dismissed.***
If God can excuse the imperfections in me, I can excuse them in others.****

So for the second part of my project, I want to hear from you. I would love it if you would comment on these posts with the ways that you have loved this week, if you've seen true Christlike love in action, or any insights on love you may have. I would really love to know what you think!
So, how have you loved this week?

* I looked away from my keyboard while trying to type this sentence and this is what I ended up with: "tDoe pER OD RHW PEOJWXR, i'M FOINF RO VW AHeinf my wzpweiwnxwa qirh locinf orhwea =======" I'm a really skilled typist. 
**There are actually very very very few reasons, if any, to actually hate someone, and this is definitely definitely definitely not one of them. 
*** This being said, there are times when people really should not be given the time of day by you. These are few and far between, but it happens. 
****And on that note, is a difference in opinion really an imperfection? Isn't it great that we can disagree and still get along. Just imagine what life would be like if we all agreed on everything. Nothing new would ever happen. Life would be absolutely boring. 

Modesty: An Open Letter to all LDS Parents, Teachers, Leaders, and Young Women

In case you haven't gathered this information already, I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I am a Mormon, and have been my entire life. From the time I was a little girl, I was taught that I should be modest*. The concept of modesty always just made sense to me. I was more comfortable when I was covered up, and felt as though others were more comfortable around me.

When I turned twelve and entered into the Young Women program at our church, modesty started to become an even more emphasized topic. I don't think I could possibly count the number of modesty lessons I've had in my life. However, I could definitely count on one hand the lessons I've had where I went away feeling good about dressing modestly. Every single other time, I've left feeling completely overwhelmed with what is expected of me as a woman. I have been told by many church leaders that I will be held accountable for inappropriate thoughts boys may have about me if I am dressed immodestly. As young LDS women, we have all been repeatedly taught that it is our responsibilities to keep boys' thoughts pure.
While it true that we can all help each other be better- and maybe being modest is one way to do that- no one will ever be held accountable for someone else's thoughts, actions, or feelings. This is a fundamental principle of agency, which is one of the most important aspects of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. As a young woman, it's hard enough keeping my own life on track. It's absolutely ridiculous that we are taught in such a way that we feel responsible for anyone else's salvation, let alone an entire gender's.**

So, parents, teachers, and leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints:
Urge your young women to be modest. Teach them that they don't need to be immodest for boys to like them. Show them that you don't need to be immodest to be cute or fashionable or cool. Help them to believe that their spirits and personalities and minds are the most beautiful parts about them. Let them know that they are so much more than their bodies. Teach them to be modest because they should want to be respected. Help them realize that dressing modestly is something they should only do for themselves, because doing something for anyone else is not a good enough reason to do anything. ***

And now I speak to you, Young Women:
You are a wonderful and divine creation. You should want to demand respect from all people, because you deserve it. If you feel that your body is the only reason a boy will like you, I promise you that you are wrong. You will someday find a boy who will love you and want to be with you for your wonderful mind and beautiful spirit. Most importantly, if a boy ever treats you inappropriately, has an impure thought about you, or does anything you cannot control, remember that it is never your fault. You can only control yourself, and you will only be held accountable for your own thoughts, actions, and decisions. Yes, you should be modest. You should be modest because Heavenly Father has asked you to.  You should be modest because you want people to notice your mind and heart and soul and humor and eyes and laughter and smile and ideas before they notice your body. You should be modest for you, not for anyone else. 

It all comes down to this: Modesty is about self respect. It's about knowing you are more than your body. It's about respecting God's creations. It's about knowing who you are, where you came from, and where you're going.***

*Modesty, in this situation, means having a well-groomed appearance, with clothes are not revealing in any way. For more information go to http://www.lds.org/topics/modesty
**I feel impressed to say here that this way of teaching of modesty is not based of any doctrine of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. It is entirely speculation of parents, teachers, and leaders. The Gospel of Jesus Christ is perfect. It is based on love, grace, agency, and forgiveness. But because imperfect humans have the responsibility of teaching this Gospel, things are sometimes explained incorrectly.
***That may or may not have been the most strangely worded sentence I have ever written
****This whole thing being said, I do not think any less of women who dress immodestly. I do not think that all women who dress immodestly don't respect themselves. I believe in dressing modestly, but if you don't, that's fine. 

I'm a Zoobie! ...Whatever the heck that is.

Okay so the vast majority of you know that I'm currently attending BYU in Provo, Utah. I've never experienced a love-hate relationship so strongly before in my life. BYU is awesome. I couldn't ask to go to a better school. But what the crap- this is so hard! I went from being a A-student in high school, to being excited to get a C on a test. How come nobody told me it would be like this?!* So somehow, college is simultaneously the absolute best and worst thing at the same time.

*A whole lot of people told me it would be like this. I just refused to believe them

Here is the one thing no one has EVER been able to tell me, though:
What the dang heckie is a Zoobie?

For those of you who are unaware: A zoobie is a name for a BYU student. Maybe just a female student. I'm not sure. I just know that people refer to me as a zoobie sometimes. I can't figure it out, and I'm fairly certain I never will.

But that's besides the point.*
* There's never actually a point, if you haven't figured that out already. 

Here's the real deal at BYU:
Boys. (or girls. Whatever floats your boat I guess.)
Or so I'm lead to believe. Honestly, for a school so dead set on abstinence and all that biznaz, guys and girls sure as heck are obsessed with each other, and I don't quite get it. It's like there's something seriously wrong with you if you're not seriously dating someone/engaged/married by the time your 21. It's such a big part of the culture that I sometimes catch myself thinking things like: "Gee, I sure hope I get proposed to this year!" Or, "Wowza, I'd sure like to marry that boy!", or sometimes even: "Golly, look at that baby. I'm totally ready to be a mom." AND I'M ONLY 19 YEARS, 4 MONTHS, AND 9 DAYS OLD. And if you're not either married or engaged, you're obviously getting ready to serve a mission. Clearly, that's the only option. Here's a typical first meeting between me and someone else at BYU:

Me: Hey, I'm Jenna! Nice to meet you!
Other Person: My name is Other Person! So, how old are you?
Me: I turned 19 in June.
OP: So do you have a mission call?
Me: Nope.
OP: Oh, are you working on your papers?
Me: Nah.
OP: Oh, so you're engaged?
Me: Nope. Single as a Pringle*.
OP: Oh. Uh. Well. Goodbye.

Now not only is there something wrong with me for not being married at the ripe old age of 19, but there's clearly somethings extremely wrong with me for getting spiritual confirmation that I'm not supposed to serve a mission at the moment.

*I say this a lot, but Pringles are actually not single. At all. Weird. 


So, welcome to the life of a single, non-missionary Zoobie just trying to figure out how to live, and maybe graduate somewhere along the way.

Hang on tight, kiddos.


Also, I pinky promise that I'm not going to be one of those posting every day/multiple times a day people. I'm not that vain or obnoxious*

*I am pretty vain. Also I'm pretty obnoxious. Just not THAT vain or obnoxious.

It's-it's-it's baaaaaack

The blog is back, twerps!

As we all know*, I'm the worst journal-er on the planet. Awful. Terrible. But I'm always thinking to myself, "Self, if you don't start keeping a record of your life, your future grandchildren aren't going to have the privilege of knowing about your life!" And then I think, "Maybe that's a good thing..."
*You probably actually don't know that, unless you stalk me and try to read my rarely-written-in journal

So, anyway, I'm starting this baby up for a couple reasons:
1. I'm also terrible at keeping in touch with people/responding to people who reach out to me. So lookie here and read all about my life.
2. Posterity deserves to know about this. Maybe they'll find solace in knowing that their great-whatever-grandmother Jenna Michelle was a freakin' weirdo.
3. In my Doctrine & Covenants class, we had to pick a doctrine to study for the semester, somehow keep a log of applying that doctrine to our lives, and then make a physical product of it. I'm hoping this blog can count as my log and physical product.

So, what's the project, Jenna?
Well, the doctrine I picked was Love. Specifically, Godly Love and how we can have it for other people. Like many others, I tend to be very secretly judgmental. Or maybe not secretly. Whatever. But I have a habit of getting really annoyed with people for very little reason, and I don't often just give second chances. That's what I'm trying to change. I've been making a conscious effort to find the good in all people- to attempt to see them as God does, and love them as He would.
So, people of the internet, with you as my witness, I vow to be more loving of all people from this day forward. Even the guy sitting next to me, who is playing his music really loudly. I love him, because I'm sure I've been the person with my music too loud many, many times. But I love him mostly because if I try hard enough, I can begin see him through God's eyes, and he is a wonderful and eternal being, with incredible and unimaginable divine potential.

So people, I am officially declaring Wednesday, as of October 30, 2013, as Loveday*.
Get pumped, people.

*I mean, I guess every day should really be Loveday. But you know, I'm just gonna blog about it on Wednesdays. Love people every day and stuff. That's a good thing.