You Do You, I'll Do Me: A Response Rant

So many of you have probably seen the article floating around the internet entitled "23 Things to Do Instead of Getting Engaged Before You're 23. (http://wanderonwards.com/2013/12/30/23-things-to-do-instead-of-getting-engaged-before-youre-23/)

Just in reading the title, I was a little put off. While I'm all for owning your single-ness and not just waiting around for "the one", I don't think there's anything wrong with getting married young- if you're doing it for the right reasons. And there are right reasons. So I had a feeling that this article was going to be a bit negative and pessimistic- and I sure was right.

It was probably one of the more rudely written, shaming and all around negative articles I've read in a long time.

And let me point out here that I think the author, Vanessa of Wander Onwards (www.wanderonwards.com), has a valid point. Getting married young just for the heck of it is never a good idea. Getting married young because your friends are doing it, or because you met him yesterday and you think you're in love, or because it's Tuesday and what else is there to do is not a good idea. If that were her only point, I would have no problem with the article at all.

However, and I could be misinterpreting what her message is here, she is essentially saying that no one under the age of 23 is ready for marriage.

And that's a load of crap.

Sure. A lot of young people aren't ready for marriage. But a lot of people are. The beauty of people is that we're all different. We all mature at different rates. We all figure out who we are at different times. We all find love at different points in our lives and we all settle down at our own pace. The author says:  "...at the age of 22, I have no idea who I am, what I’m doing, and who I’ll be doing it with for the next year… let alone for the rest of my life.  And that’s awesome." If that's "awesome" for you, that's great! I'm happy for you. But someone else at 22 may know who they are, they might know what they're doing, and if they've decided who they'll be doing it with, that's "awesome" for them! 

And while I take issue with the "my experience is definitely the same as everyone else's" situation going on here, that's not my real problem with the article. My real problem is the following paragraph:

"I have begun to notice a common thread amongst all these young unions: inexperience.  Inexperience with dating, traveling, risks, higher education, career direction, SEX, solitude, religious exploration, etc… and it’s insane that I have already experienced more of the world in the last 22 years than my married peers will ever experience in their life."

Who are you to decide that? Who are you to say that because you're a self-proclaimed "wanderer" that you have experienced more than your married peers will in their entire lives? Marriage does not mean you stop doing things. Marriage does not always mean that you have to sit in your house while your husband works a 9-5 job, take care of the kids, and make sure dinner is on the table when the bread-winner gets home. And while I definitely agree that one needs to know themselves before committing to another for eternity, being inexperienced isn't necessarily a bad thing. Are you unable to travel with a spouse? Can you not receive a degree if you're married? Is it really horrible that a person be inexperienced with sex when they marry the (hopefully) only person they'll have a sexual relationship with for the rest of their life? Inexperience does not equal immaturity. Inexperience does not mean an inability to commit fully. Marriage does not take away your ability to experience.  

Now, let's discuss your actual list:
(anything I've added is bolded)

1. Get a passport.

2. Find your “thing.”

3. Make out with a stranger.

If that's not your style, don't do it. If that's your style, go for it I guess. Do you. 

4. Adopt a pet.

5. Start a band.

6. Make a cake. Make a second cake. Have your cake and eat it too.

Do my baking abilities disappear after marriage?

7. Get a tattoo. It’s more permanent than a marriage.

So many things to say here... Just no. 

8. Explore a new religion.

9. Start a small business. 

10.Cut your hair.

11. Date two people at once and see how long it takes to blow up in your face.

This is just not a good idea. When I say "do you", I mean "do you as long as what you're doing doesn't hurt anyone else"

12. Build something with your hands.

13. Accomplish a Pinterest project.

14. Join the Peace Corps.

15. Disappoint your parents.

Not sure why you'd want to do this on purpose

16. Watch GIRLS, over and over again.

17. Eat a jar of Nutella in one sitting.

18. Make strangers feel uncomfortable in public places.

19. Sign up for CrossFit.

20. Hangout naked in front of a window.

21. Write your feelings down in a blog.

(check)

22. Be selfish.

I think humans are already pretty selfish by nature, but last I heard this is a pretty undesirable character quality. 

23. Come with me to the Philippines for Chinese New Year.

Okay, we get it. You've done some cool things in your life. I mean, eating an entire jar of Nutella in one sitting is a feat. And I bow to you if you're actually done that. You want people to experience these cool things, too. But maybe I want to get married, not hang out naked in front of a window. Maybe I've found the person I want to be with for the rest of my life so I don't feel any need to date two people at once and see how long it takes for it to blow up in my face. Maybe I actually believe that my marriage is more permanent than a tattoo. So thank you for the suggestions, and that's totally great for you if that's what you choose to do. You do you. I'll do me, though. And maybe that means I'll get in engaged before I'm 23, maybe that won't happen until farther down the line. But, I'll do it whenever I feel ready, thank you very much.