Modesty: An Open Letter to all LDS Parents, Teachers, Leaders, and Young Women

In case you haven't gathered this information already, I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I am a Mormon, and have been my entire life. From the time I was a little girl, I was taught that I should be modest*. The concept of modesty always just made sense to me. I was more comfortable when I was covered up, and felt as though others were more comfortable around me.

When I turned twelve and entered into the Young Women program at our church, modesty started to become an even more emphasized topic. I don't think I could possibly count the number of modesty lessons I've had in my life. However, I could definitely count on one hand the lessons I've had where I went away feeling good about dressing modestly. Every single other time, I've left feeling completely overwhelmed with what is expected of me as a woman. I have been told by many church leaders that I will be held accountable for inappropriate thoughts boys may have about me if I am dressed immodestly. As young LDS women, we have all been repeatedly taught that it is our responsibilities to keep boys' thoughts pure.
While it true that we can all help each other be better- and maybe being modest is one way to do that- no one will ever be held accountable for someone else's thoughts, actions, or feelings. This is a fundamental principle of agency, which is one of the most important aspects of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. As a young woman, it's hard enough keeping my own life on track. It's absolutely ridiculous that we are taught in such a way that we feel responsible for anyone else's salvation, let alone an entire gender's.**

So, parents, teachers, and leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints:
Urge your young women to be modest. Teach them that they don't need to be immodest for boys to like them. Show them that you don't need to be immodest to be cute or fashionable or cool. Help them to believe that their spirits and personalities and minds are the most beautiful parts about them. Let them know that they are so much more than their bodies. Teach them to be modest because they should want to be respected. Help them realize that dressing modestly is something they should only do for themselves, because doing something for anyone else is not a good enough reason to do anything. ***

And now I speak to you, Young Women:
You are a wonderful and divine creation. You should want to demand respect from all people, because you deserve it. If you feel that your body is the only reason a boy will like you, I promise you that you are wrong. You will someday find a boy who will love you and want to be with you for your wonderful mind and beautiful spirit. Most importantly, if a boy ever treats you inappropriately, has an impure thought about you, or does anything you cannot control, remember that it is never your fault. You can only control yourself, and you will only be held accountable for your own thoughts, actions, and decisions. Yes, you should be modest. You should be modest because Heavenly Father has asked you to.  You should be modest because you want people to notice your mind and heart and soul and humor and eyes and laughter and smile and ideas before they notice your body. You should be modest for you, not for anyone else. 

It all comes down to this: Modesty is about self respect. It's about knowing you are more than your body. It's about respecting God's creations. It's about knowing who you are, where you came from, and where you're going.***

*Modesty, in this situation, means having a well-groomed appearance, with clothes are not revealing in any way. For more information go to http://www.lds.org/topics/modesty
**I feel impressed to say here that this way of teaching of modesty is not based of any doctrine of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. It is entirely speculation of parents, teachers, and leaders. The Gospel of Jesus Christ is perfect. It is based on love, grace, agency, and forgiveness. But because imperfect humans have the responsibility of teaching this Gospel, things are sometimes explained incorrectly.
***That may or may not have been the most strangely worded sentence I have ever written
****This whole thing being said, I do not think any less of women who dress immodestly. I do not think that all women who dress immodestly don't respect themselves. I believe in dressing modestly, but if you don't, that's fine.